Ricky

[Lorcan Scamander]

What the hell all did you tell Roxanne and why? I just got a letter with a warning about getting on tables and a string of blue berry flavored condoms (you can probably tell which bit bothered me more).

Lorcan 

[Ricky Jordan]

Hahahahahahahahaha

Oops?

Why are you upset? Blueberry flavoured condoms sound great. I'll ask her to send me some too.

Ricky xxx

[Lorcan Scamander]

Why bother. I'll just send you the ones I have. Maybe you can tell Roxanne how they taste, then.

I am being incredibly sarcastic,
Lorcan

[Ricky Jordan]

I have a better idea. I'll come over and tell you how they taste.

Ricky

[Lorcan Scamander]

And then we can both write a letter to Roxanne!

Still being incredibly sarcastic,
Lorcan

PS my brother is at home do NOT come over

[Ricky Jordan]

Good plan! Though I don't usually have to write to Roxanne, I live with her so I just tell her stuff.

Don't be sarcastic, sweetie, it doesn't suit you. I'll say I'm sorry, if you want?

Ricky

PS - Is that meant to put me off, because to be honest it just sounds like double the temptation.

[Lorcan Scamander]

I've noticed you just tell her stuff, thanks.

Of course you don't have to say sorry, I'm not really upset (also it's much easier to be sarcastic in letters than in person, sorry)! It's just Roxanne's been sending me some truly mindbendingly awful owls. If she actually tries to rent a plane, please tell her off for me, will you?

Lorcan

PS Ricky, there are certain things a person never ever wants to imagine, and between the two of you, you and Roxanne have hit on almost all of them I'm begging you stay home

[Ricky Jordan]

Yeah, I thought you might have by now.

Oh good, I'll tell Roxie you're not really upset! She can be surprisingly filthy when she wants to be, can't she? I take credit for teaching her that.

Ricky

PS - Oh that's a shame, because I'm pretty sure I'm imagining some of them right now. But it's okay, we can pick a time when it's just you. Or I can just come over for tea! Can I come over for tea? I swear there won't be nudity involved. Though there may be mugs. Roxie's trying to tell me something about a mug fetish you have, I'm not sure what she's on about. Mug fetish?

[Lorcan Scamander]

No, her I'm upset with. You, I like very much since you are soliciting tea and not sex for other people.

Lorcan

PS I have no idea what she's on about. Maybe she'll clarify how to use mugs during sex for you, since I certainly haven't gotten a straight answer out of her.

[Ricky Jordan]

Aw, well I agree, I am pretty nice. So can I come over for tea then?

Ricky

PS - Mugs for sex. I have to think about this one. I don't want my imagination to fail me.

[Lorcan Scamander]

Tea sounds great! And, even better, it's also something you actually can do with Ly and me both without me vomiting!

Lorcan

PS - Let me know if you think of anything; it's really got me stumped.

[Ricky Jordan]

Great, I shall just stop to rub it in Roxie's face that I got an invite and then I shall be over! Though I don't think anything with you and Ly would make me vomit, babe.

Ricky

PS - I'll think and tell you when I see you. OH. Maybe she's into cupping? Wow, I would never have thought that of her. I don't if mugs really work for that, but there we go.

((Ricky has no idea whether his invitation was for right now, but her suggestion was, so she's taking it. We should pin Ellie down and have this thread...))