Post by Eleanor Fell on Mar 3, 2014 12:33:14 GMT -5
[presto]
EIGHTEEN
FEMALE
EX-RAVENCLAW
HALF-BLOOD
BISEXUAL
CARA DELEVINGNE
ELEANOR SPENCER FELL
 one track mind, one track heart / if i fail, i’ll fall apart / maybe it is all a test / because i feel like i’m the worst / so i always act like i’m the best eleanor fell used to be one of the plainest looking girls you could come across - never sticking out in a group or drawing attention to herself and despite wanting to be more social, she always seemed to blend into the crowd of other people her age as a child and throughout the majority of her years at hogwarts. being in a year with names and faces and personalities like molly weasley and dominique weasley and rose weasley did not do great things to her self-esteem, which was already low to begin with by the time she got to hogwarts, and she found herself falling back into the pattern of people not really noticing her, because there wasn’t much to notice. that being said, despite her average appearance, she’s always had a strong personality under the surface, one that’s only grown more prominent as she’s gained confidence over the years. much of her earlier shyness stemmed from growing up in the shadow of her older brother, david, who regardless of not being the typical golden boy seemed to have everything going for him - he could easily make people laugh, he was extremely clever, and their parents, katherine and christopher, never doubted for a moment that he would be going places. she was aware that they loved her just as much as him, but it was still hard to avoid the sting of feeling second best without having done anything at all. she’d always felt inferior to david, even before going off to hogwarts, thinking that she’d never measure up to the person that he was. feelings of envy aside, however, eleanor truly loved her brother - he was and still is one of her favorite people in the world and she cared about him a lot and would have done anything for him - but it just seemed like he would amount to more than she could ever dream of and she couldn’t escape the part of her mind that never failed to remind her of that. eleanor never really resented her parents or her brother or even the popular girls in her year at hogwarts, though - instead, she always put the blame on herself, believing that whatever she was getting was her own fault somehow. she should have tried to look prettier and more approachable and tried harder to talk to more people rather than mumbling and being generally unresponsive to most of the people who talked to her, but she didn’t. she resigned to her belief that she deserved to be a loner for the most part, the only exceptional thing she had to show for her time in ravenclaw in her first few years being her marks, which tended to be outstanding. she did put a lot of effort into her schoolwork, considering she didn’t make friends easily because she found it difficult to reach out and socialize with people, so she had plenty of time to revise, but at the same time, much of her success was due to her natural intelligence. she didn’t realize it at the time, but she was actually far cleverer than david, and if she hadn’t been in the habit of putting herself down to the extent that she did, she might have recognized this sooner. as her time at hogwarts went on, she continued to throw herself into her schoolwork and pretended that her lack of friends didn’t bother her, but there came a point when she snapped slightly and became much colder in addition to being reserved, especially towards her brother, who was two years above her and as usual, doing all kinds of great things in his own way. she’s aware that he believed her attitude was just a stage of teenage moodiness, which it sort of was, but she wouldn’t say that was the whole explanation, either. having learned from david’s sense of humor since they were younger, she herself had become rather sarcastic, though she took it to the next level and developed a rather dark sense of humor at the expense of others, which only worked to scare her peers off significantly more than her introverted attitude already had. her previous shyness made way for snarky comments, usually exactly what she was thinking at any given moment even if it wasn’t appropriate, because she was immensely tired of being the girl whose name barely anyone knew. she was still terribly insecure, harboring crushes on a lot of boys in her year and even the years above her that she knew were ridiculous because she didn’t stand a chance with anyone who was attractive and popular, so she never told anyone, preferring to keep this all to herself to avoid the embarrassment of being laughed at. her attitude regarding boys - and later girls, when she realized she liked both - changed dramatically by the end of her fifth year, once she’d written her owl exams and just knew that she’d likely gotten all o’s and maybe one or two e’s, because her body had been changing a lot in the past year, almost more than she could keep up with. her legs were longer and more elegant, now less gangly and childlike, and her chin and nose were much more defined, and though she had never been the most knowledgeable when it came to keeping up with her appearance, she knew enough to know that a proper haircut would probably do her some good, too. suddenly she was experimenting with make-up, including dark eyeliner and bright red and pink lipstick, as well as a bolder wardrobe, and once sixth year rolled around, she was positively striking and gorgeous, her classmates unable to not notice her and all the changes. many of them didn’t even recognize her at first, but they had to believe what they saw because sure enough, she was the same girl that professors always counted on to know the answer that no one else seemed to in a lesson. it was immediately obvious to her that her unapologetic attitude, oddly enough, seemed better received by her peers than it had been when she’d been socially awkward. now that she had grown into her body, she was a million times more confident, a lot more willing to go to parties and chat and flirt with and snog people because she felt like she had nothing to lose, but her judgmental and disinterested side never disappeared, as she made a habit of calling the majority of her classmates out and making them uncomfortable with jokes about how inadequate they were. the truth was that she remained a bit insecure underneath it all, her make-over only having pushed her long-standing insecurities further down so they wouldn’t be apparent upon first glance. she found that acting superior to her peers made her feel better about herself, and moreover hid the fact that she was constantly worried that she was still inferior to them all. on the other hand, her cold and brutally honest nature didn’t stop her from making more friends than she could count in her final two years at hogwarts, which made her question exactly how shallow some of them might be, but she tries not to think about this too much, as the awkward and childish and shy and plain girl she used to be is an identity she’s left behind and doesn’t bother to remember. she knows perfectly well that there was a time not that long ago when she wasn’t so comfortable with her sexuality and her appearance and personality and itch to be mischievous and have fun, but it almost feels like that was lifetimes ago and she has no urge to dwell on it. eleanor recently graduated hogwarts with newt results that could all but guarantee her a job at the ministry if she wanted one, but the thing is, she really doesn’t. she doesn’t even want david’s job of a healer, as these professional occupations only bore her when she considers them. she definitely cannot see herself working such a stressful job, no matter how rewarding it may be, whether it’s in an office cubicle or behind the scenes at st. mungo’s. at the same time, though, she has a huge desire to prove herself that she would deny until her last breath if anyone confronted her about it, as she wants to do something that will make her parents proud - not necessarily please them, as she’s never been the type to follow all their rules - but make them finally realize that she’s just as capable, if not more capable, than david, even if she’s not pursuing the exact same career or conventional path to success that he is. she’s currently in the process of working out what she’d like to do - she’s fine with taking a little time off to think about it, as she’s in no rush to figure out precisely what she wants to do with the rest of her life, and she’s nearly sure her goals are going to change several times along the way. she’s living with her parents at home in the interim, who are perfectly alright with this as long as she doesn’t go too wild, and she’s glad that she has a decent level of understanding with them. she doesn’t talk to david too much, but that’s not because they have any problems - in all honesty, ever since she’s gotten more confident her relationship with david has significantly improved on her end, because she figures she has less to be jealous of - it’s mostly that he doesn’t regularly write to her and she makes a point to never go to his flat because she absolutely loathes his cats, always claiming that she’s allergic even though he’s brought them home for christmas several years in a row and no allergic reaction (aside from her glaring at him and demanding that he lock them up in a room so they can’t get near her) has resulted. when they do correspond and meet up elsewhere, they have a very open relationship in which they act a lot more like friends than siblings, as she will force him to go out and get drunk with her and sometimes goes as far as winding him up about how she gets shagged considerably more often than he does and how he really needs to loosen up. come to think of it, getting him to do so is actually the next thing on her agenda, as she hasn’t gotten him extremely fucked up in a while. HOPE EIGHTEEN EST |
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