Post by Selene Endsley on Mar 5, 2014 12:34:30 GMT -5
[presto]
TWENTY ONE
GENDER
WEASLEY'S WIZARDING WHEEZES
HALFBLOOD
PANSEXUAL
JENNIFER LAWRENCE
SELENE MAIA ENDSLEY
 Good morning, Miss Endsley, how are -- wait, wait, i'm gonna need some coffee before i can do this. d'you mind if I--? thank you. Okay, Miss Endsley-- selene. just call me selene. miss endsley makes me sound old. Okay, Selene. How are you today? [sarcasm] absolutely fantastic. my poor excuse for a younger brother decided to wake me up early by blowing a trumpet right into my ear, while my older brother decided to take his attitude out on the coffee machine. terribly rude. What are your brothers like? as i've just said, my younger brother is poor excuse for one. his name's hermes and he's a complete prankster, just like that greek god who he's named after. i bloody can't wait until i get the hell out of my house. i'll even take living in diagon alley just to get away from him. And your other brother? i have two more. it's been absolutely brilliant being the only girl in the house. [sarcasm] the oldest is castor, he's 23 and he's the one who broke the coffee machine this morning. then there's hermes who's 17 and tristan is the younger. he's 15. Can you describe them in three words or less? can i? what a difficult question. okay, off the top of my head... tristan is 'lazy as fuck', hermes is 'annoying as fuck', and castor is 'fan-fucking-tastic' (that was sarcastic, by the way). Ahem. Are you close with your brothers? close enough, i'd think. we love pranking each other and we love to poke at each other. tough love and all that. You hear stories of siblings who absolutely detest each other or are distant from each other. What brought you all together? i think that'd be because our father left our mum when i was around eleven (castor was thirteen, hermes was seven, and tristan was five). it came out that she was a squib - a person with magical parents but who doesn't have magic themselves. y'know that, right? - when i got my hogwarts letter. he didn't mind so much when castor got his letter, but he got suspicious when mine came along. so the truth came out, he left and found himself a lady seven years older than him, and he's never looked back since. we figured, good riddance. he wasn't a particularly good father to us. castor became the head of the family, because mum loved dad so when he left it kinda tore her down. castor looked after us the most. dealing with three younger siblings wouldn't have been too fun so i guess he dealt the way he could - keeping us entertained with pranks and practical jokes. usually, it'd be him and i, ganging up against the younger two. as we grew up, it became whoever versus whoever. mum just watched us go crazy over it and she let us 'cause she could see how much fun we were having. it was our way of dealing, i guess. dad may not have been too much of a good dad, but he was still a dad. i know for sure castor dealt with the loss the most. but anyway. Do you miss your father? what kind of stupid question is that? Um -- he had his imperfections, but he was a dad. too bad he's not mine now. as far as i care, he's not my family any more. none of my brothers give a damn about him any more, so too fucking bad for him. Okay... What's your relationship with your mother? she's alright. she lets us be. she can't really discipline us, and whenever she tries to tell us off for anything, it's usually just half-hearted. she's a good lady, though. we all respect her, we just don't cower under her. she can be pretty strong when she wants to be (like telling tristan to clean his goddamn plate after eating) but most of the time she's just chill. Who are you closest with among your brothers? all of them. There's no favouritism amongst the siblings? not really. it's an eternal war in our house so one battle's ally might be another battle's enemy. Fair enough. What house were you in while at Hogwarts? i was sorted into slytherin. it was a toss-up, really, between slytherin, ravenclaw, and gryffindor. i guess the hat just decided to go for the first house he listed. And your brothers? tristan is in gryffindor, castor was in ravenclaw like five years ago, and hermes is in slytherin. No Hufflepuffs? [hard stare] Oookay... So did you just graduate? i graduated three years ago. What are you doing now? i'm working at weasley's wizarding wheezes. Do you have further aspirations? i dunno. the ministry was appealing at one time, but it's too serious for me. so is teaching and healing. Does your mother mind that you work at a joke shop? are you kidding? she is absolutely pleased that i'm working in a joke shop. [sarcasm] she'd love for me to go for something more respectable, but it's whatever. castor's in the ministry and that's one office worker too many for this family. he's gotten stuffy in the last year that he's been there. How so? well, he doesn't play pranks as much as he used to. before, when someone in the family hit him with a prank, he'd hit them right back, and usually with something much funnier. now he's gotten boring. he broke the coffee machine to get back at me changing all his blue ties green a week ago. the coffee machine. that's sacrilege! the one thing in the house that's off-limits to pranks, and he breaks it. god damn. How do you know for sure it was him or that it was in retaliation? because he's a fucking ravenclaw. he knows how that coffee machine works. hell, he probably knows how all the machinery works. he's probably clipped a wire inside or something. something so small that i can't see or fix it. and i know it's a revenge prank because there was a goddamned blue tie wrapped around it. What do you have in mind? Are you going to -- hell yeah i'm gonna hit him back. this is too fucking much. my coffee machine. i'll get him, and i'll get him right where it hurts. Okay... So anyway, tell us about your other brothers. my coffee... sorry? oh, my other brothers. well, hermes is a lot faster at pranking and in general than i am. we were both in the same house and we tried our damnedest to give hogwarts hell when i was still there. it didn't help much that he was four years below me, but we tried our best. i reckon old o'malley had our hands full with us. no, but hermes is faster on his feet. i'm usually the one with plans, and he's the one who knows what to do if the plan fails or something. he's the one who takes advantages of situations. i think his pockets are always carrying something from www's (provided by moi, of course) and whenever he sees an opportunity, he just goes for it. sometimes it sucks because sometimes i'm his target, but when i was at hogwarts, it was the best. tristan is a little less inclined on the practical joke aspect, although i guess he had no choice but to retaliate when the games included him. he's more lazy and he eats a lot and doesn't gain a pound - something i'm deathly jealous of, by the way. eating is something i absolutely love, but i gain weight and damn it all to hell if i am stopped from having my pizza - so it's easier for us older three to do something to prank him. we usually try not to do something to his food, because that's his off-limit thing (we all have one: i have my coffee machine, castor has his clothes (which none of us really pay attention to), and hermes has his broom). sometimes though, we just can't resist and we'll attack his food. we overestimated him a lot when he was younger. just because he was lazy, didn't mean he wouldn't get his own back. So you were closest to Hermes, by the sounds of it? no - jeeze! i told you already. there's no favouritism with us. when castor and i were at school together, we both pranked each other and teamed up to prank everyone else. when hermes and i were at school together, it was the same thing. there was a bigger age gap between tristan and i, so we didn't usually prank together, but the way i'm hearing it, hermes and tristan group up sometimes. Okay. How was your time at Hogwarts? it was fine. i scraped my grades along, but i didn't care too much about them. i took divination and care of magical creatures when i got to third year - those were fun classes. i loved telling people some funky futures and seeing their faces. [laughs] and i loved setting creatures free and watching teachers chasing after them while the creatures were chasing the students. It sounds like you had a party of a time! it was. not literally, because castor kept us all in line. he didn't want us to give more trouble to our mum. i mean, practical jokes and all that, they were harmless and they were for fun. but castor didn't want us getting shit-faced or smoking or getting high or any of that. i mean, when i got older, like in my sixth and seventh years, i tried alcohol and smoking and all that, but i never really got into it. pranking was still so much better than partying, for me. Did you ever have boyfriends? are you being sexist? am i only allowed to have boyfriends? [gulps] oh please. [rolls eyes] i can taste your discomfort from here. no, i didn't really have any serious partners. casual flings, kisses, the usual. Are you looking for a serious... partner? no. Would you mind if a serious partner came along? are you offering? [fidgets] oh, darling. if you were maybe ten years younger, i might have given you a body shot. Thanks, I think. Anyway, as I was saying, if someone fell in love with you but was only looking for a serious relationship -- these questions are getting boring. yes, okay. yes. jeeze. What would you label your sexuality? i wouldn't. but for the sake of giving you an answer, i'd say pansexual. Okay. Any last words you'd like to say? yes: "castor is going down." Thank you for the interview. [smiles] [mutter] you should be thanking me for my patience. i'll just take your coffee mug. thanks. Favourite food: pizza, pasta, anything italian Favourite drink: coffee, sprite (sometimes with vodka) Favourite colour: these questions are getting really boring Favourite memory: getting a prank on hermes and castor with tristan. my youngest brother had the fantastic idea of cooking breakfast one day. it was inedible, but i still fed it to hermes and castor. it got into a pretty big food fight. First kiss: i dunno, some guy i pranked in fifth year kissed me in the great hall because he thought it'd embarrass me like i embarrassed him by bribing the house-elves to dye his uniform pink. people were saying we had a crush on each other but what a sack of shit. anyway, he had his arse handed to him by castor after that stunt. First date: [yawn] First sign of magic: i was watching hermes chasing after a dog. he tripped over a hose which i'd accidentally levitated. he fell face-down in a patch of mud and bawled his heart out. it was very satisfying, especially after he'd stolen the last piece of pie earlier. First prank: i can still remember! i'd finally realised what castor had been playing at for weeks. it really brought me out of the cloud after dad left. castor'd been throwing crumpled pieces of paper at my head for ages, i just never realised who it was. so one night at dinner, i quietly kept levitating peas into his hair. it wasn't anything extravagant, but he still retaliated so that's what started the war between us, i guess. First pet: tristan. First book: standard book of spells, grade one. Proudest moment: toss up between getting sorted into gryffindor, upending a bucket of pink hair-dye on top of castor's head, charming hermes' old broomstick to make squeaking noises during practice, and putting make-up on tristan while he was sleeping. ALIAS AGE ZONE |
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