we got the party with us [julian + caleb + addie]

[Caleb Blackwood]

Caleb’s eyes inevitably fell to Addie’s mouth when she bit her lip, and he had to exert a considerable amount of effort to force his gaze back up to her eyes. But even then, the desire to lean over and softly press his lips against hers didn’t disappear entirely, because she had the prettiest eyes and he was still thinking about the faint red shade of her lip gloss and - no, he seriously needed to stop. He wasn’t going to do this to himself. Not tonight. Not when it was her birthday dinner and him kissing her would probably ruin it. Not when Julian and Ainsley were off smoking together and talking about Merlin knew what (if by some unfortunate accident it was Astraia Yaxley or the Leo guy who’d left a hickey on Ainsley’s neck, he really didn’t know if he wanted to hear about it later from Julian), and he couldn’t get the thought of them together entirely out of his mind.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” he replied, a bit more believably, and this time he had to work hard to not let it show that he was disappointed she’d let go of his arm. Fuck, he needed to take a few steps back and not react to her every movement, because he was just going to end up looking like more of an idiot than he usually did. “I won’t,” he confirmed, nodding absent-mindedly at her words as he followed her glance over towards the smoking area, and momentarily narrowed his eyes despite his best efforts. Julian and Ainsley were standing next to each other. He couldn’t help but wonder yet again what they were talking about, and he felt a twinge of unwarranted jealousy all of a sudden, not completely sure how he felt about these recent developments. It was true that he thought Julian needed to get his act together and admit that he fancied Ainsley, but if he wasn’t going to do that and and the two of them were insisting on remaining friends with unreasonable amounts of sexual tension following them wherever they went, he didn’t think he could tolerate their behavior for much longer without losing his cool. He was close with both of them and wanted the best for them, and he’d been beyond ecstatic when it had all started with them beginning to quietly sit together in the library the previous year at Hogwarts, but he couldn’t deny that he was starting to miss the times when Ainsley had been only his friend and Julian hadn’t had any girl drama.

He nearly jumped when he felt Addie’s fingers brush against the back of his hand, attention immediately diverted from Julian and Ainsley. “I’m glad you’re glad,” he managed stupidly, mentally cursing himself for not being better at thinking on his feet, but threw her a smile nonetheless as he went on jokingly, “Oh, okay. Well, clearly you have better taste in cake than Ainsley does. I mean, who likes lemon cream cake, anyway? That doesn’t stand a chance in front of raspberry chocolate cheesecake. Not even a bit.” Her next words caught him slightly off guard, but he managed to compose himself enough to come up with a half-decent response that wasn’t sometime terrible like I’m glad you’re glad. “Thanks,” he began lightly, “I really hope you’re having a good time.”

Watching her carefully as she untied the ribbon and opened the box, he was unable to hide the anxiousness in his expression, his heart beating a mile a minute as he awaited her response to the actual gift. He was suddenly glad that Julian wasn’t at the table for this - it was a great turn of events, as he hadn’t told Julian what he’d gotten Addie as a gift, believing that being teased mercilessly about the expensive gift before and after the dinner would be verging on excessive, so he’d simply shrugged and told Julian just to wait and see when Addie opened it. And it had been expensive, no doubt - Caleb had had to beg for money from his older step-brother, Dominic, with the promise that he would pay him back somehow by the end of the summer. Or by Christmas. Or by next year. Or he’d just forever be in debt. Whatever worked. But it was all worth it upon seeing Addie’s positive reaction to the silver bracelet, and he let out a breath of relief that he hadn’t even known he’d been holding, edging closer to her in his chair, his smile growing into a full grin.

“You really like it?” he questioned, unable to keep the excitement out of his voice, and waving off her comment about it costing a fortune, maintaining nonchalance as if it was no big deal, “I’m so glad you like it! I thought you’d be interested in the Latin, because it was different from all the other things I could’ve bought for you, and the silver and turquoise looked really pretty in the shop and - you could wear it right now, even, it’d totally match your dress!” he exclaimed, grin not fading at all, and then went on, “Oh, the Latin loosely translates to everything happens for a reason. I looked it up and everything, and yeah, I just thought you’d like it, so it’s great that you do. I’m so happy!”

[Addie Beaumont]

Addie was fairly well-versed in the difference between just friends and want to kiss you, both for boys and girls, and she kind of wished she hadn't noticed Caleb glancing down at her lips because that was definitely in the latter category and she could not deal with this. Not now, and not him. He was Ainsley's friend, first and foremost, and she really needed him to stop lookng at her like he wanted to kiss her. Any other boy, and she would have been fine, but it wasn't any other boy. This was Caleb, and she'd only wanted him to look at her like that for three years and there was no way she was going back to that. No way. Her breath seemed to quicken suddenly, which was the last thing she needed right now.

She also wasn't entirely sure he was telling her the truth, not with the way he kept looking over at Julian and Ainsley. In fact, maybe she had just imagined the whole he wants to kiss me thing, maybe she had read him wrong. She didn't often do that, but she was willing to admit the possibility of a mistake. Maybe it was Ainsley he liked -- granted, the idea sat a little sour inside her mind, but it was possible. Or maybe it was Julian. Either way, it wasn't her. Hopefully. She sent him a smile, trying not to look too dubious of his assurances, but otherwise dropped the subject. It could wait. At least until Julian and Ainsley returned.

I'm glad you're glad. She kind of wanted to laugh at how endearingly dumb that was, but she was still a little lost in her own thoughts at that point. Still, he was cute, and she could almost see him mentally kicking himself for the statement, despite how he smiled at her. "Clearly," she said easily, returning his grin, "I have much better taste in cake. Don't let her convince you otherwise." She paused, studying his reaction thoughtfully and trying not to think of how stupidly sweet he was. "I am," she promised, and this time she let her fingers linger on the back of his hand when they touched. "I'm having a great time," and despite whatever was going on with Julian and Ainsley, she really was.

"I love it," she assured him, still smiling as she glanced between him and the beautiful bracelet. She had to laugh a little, though, asking, "What other things were you considering?", finding herself genuinely curious. "You're right," she added, pleased, "it does match my dress." Gingerly, she slid it onto her wrist, admiring the way it sparkled under the lights. God, she hoped he hadn't actually spent a fortune on it. But it was so pretty.

Looking back up at him with a soft smile, she could practically see herself melting at his warm grin and how happy he was to see that she liked it. "Thank you," she repeated, a lot quieter this time, running the fingers of her other hand over the bracelet. "I do love the Latin. It means a lot that you put this much thought into it," fuck, now she was getting personal and this was not what she'd intended to do tonight. Or ever, come to think of it. When was their food getting here? She needed a distraction.

[Ainsley Rickett]

Ainsley knew that she was completely fucked beyond anyone’s help when merely hearing the way he said her name made butterflies erupt in her stomach, and she took care to disguise the way her breath caught in her throat as another cough, because really, she was aware that she was being ridiculous. All he’d done was say her name with a bit of amusement and look at her curiously, and she felt like her heart might burst out of her chest. He hadn’t even touched her. What was wrong with her? If she hadn’t been so determined about talking to him properly, she might have fled back to the dinner table just to get away from how he was making her feel. But she wouldn’t. She would stay and face him like they were just friends.

“I dunno,” she replied, shrugging lightly with a challenging half-smile still on her expression, and then, despite not having wanted to admit this, added, “I like having a pack with me, just in case. I don’t know why you care, Julian,” she went on, pointedly saying his name precisely the way he had said hers, and wow, it sounded so good in her mouth that she wasn’t sure why she didn’t say it more often. She let out a small laugh at his next statement, using her free hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Yeah, that’s understandable,” she began, matching his sarcastic tone with one of her own, though her voice came out much cooler than she’d anticipated as she steadily continued, “Considering I’m not at the top of your list of priorities, that does make sense. You’re right.”

She almost frowned at him in response to the way he was grinning at her, but instead rolled her eyes through the smoke between them, sincerely hoping he would catch it. Who the hell did Julian Delaire think he was? She was just as irritated with him as she was attracted to him, she realized suddenly, which probably wasn’t the best combination, because wanting to kiss the grin off his face wasn’t even something she felt like admitting to herself. She did get a moment of satisfaction, however, when he choked on the smoke she’d blown right into his face - or maybe it was that in addition to her question, which appeared to have successfully caught him off guard. He was stumbling over his words now, and she nearly felt sorry for him and wanted to take it all back - nearly, but not completely, because the memory of finding out about him sleeping with Astraia a day or so before she’d been over at his house and they’d been close to kissing was enough motivation to stand her ground.

“Are you okay?” she asked, though this time it wasn’t out of concern like it had been when she’d been hanging up her coat and had caught him staring at her neck - this time, there was apathy written clear into her tone, like she didn’t really care if he was okay, and was inquiring in such a sweet tone whether he was or not simply for the sake of flustering him more. She wasn’t fooled by the change in his voice and attempt at a smile, either, and it only worked to annoy her more, if that was even possible at this point. “No, I just asked you that for no reason,” she retorted icily, not unlike the voice she’d used on Caleb in response to him asking about her hickey earlier, but she had to stop and carefully consider the second half of his statement, as she didn’t want to say anything that would let her true feelings show, because she’d seriously regret that later. “I don’t care,” she managed, though her words were far too edgy, still, to be at all genuine, “I was only wondering. Can I not ask you anything anymore? I thought we were friends.”

She disregarded the unneeded reminder by her mind that they weren’t exactly friends who should be talking about their sex lives, because what if he asked her any question about that? She wouldn’t know how to answer. She didn’t want to dwell on how she was the last virgin in their friend group - which was fine, because it was nothing unexpected when she had Caleb and Addie as friends, but she hadn’t even registered the fact that Julian could also be having sex. Not that there was any reason he wouldn’t have been, because he was really good-looking and her eyes had somehow fallen down to his chest again, which she needed to stop doing if she wanted to have any chance at remaining nonchalant - but it was impossible to shake the thought of having sex with him now that her mind had traveled down that path, because she couldn’t believe how much she wanted to. It was just leftover hormones from the previous night, she tried to convince herself, and this was only happening to her because she could have gone all the way with Leo the previous night but hadn’t.

[Julian Delaire]

Everything about this conversation was suddenly starting to do funny things to all his nerves. He could feel his stomach twisting and somersaulting around at every slight shift in Ainsley's position, every time she met his eyes, and he wanted to look away, wanted to run away, but he couldn't. His feet felt frozen, whether by his own mind or by her gaze, he didn't know. The part of him that didn't want to step even the tiniest bit away from her was far overpowering the part of him that wanted to never have this sort of conversation with her. It struck him that it was funny how, in just a few short weeks, they'd gone from casual friends and study partners to...whatever this was, this palpable tension between them, the way his attraction to her had skyrocketed this summer, the way he'd somehow managed to fuck everything up by sleeping with Astraia in a way he couldn't even pinpoint. It was like everything was wrong but at the same time, being here with her, smoking, looking at her, talking with her - it still felt right, somehow. And god, was she getting prettier as the night went on?

"Just in case?" he repeated, trying to hide his smile in a drag of his cigarette. Just in case what, he wanted to ask, in case you wanted to smoke like I taught you? In case I happened to ask you for a cigarette? In case of what exactly? But he kept the questions inside because fuck, she was saying his name and he'd kind of lost his entire train of thought. It was so different in her mouth than in Caleb's, or his mother's, or, god, Astraia's during the night he'd slept with her. With Ainsley, it was a challenge and a declaration of - something, he wasn't sure what, and a memory he never wanted to forget all wrapped up in one.

Her sarcasm cut right through his god-she's-so-pretty musings, though. He felt suddenly heavy all over as he comprehended her words, struggling not to let his emotions show on his face. "That's not what I said," he muttered, voice low and insistent on this point. He didn't want her to think he didn't care about her, but he was also pretty sure that wasn't the game they were playing, so he gathered himself, lifted his head, and asked her calmly, "Well, since you seem to be an expert on my list of priorities, would you mind enlightening me? What, exactly, is at the top of my list of priorities, according to you?" And okay, so Caleb would so yell at him for being mean or a sarcastic dick or whatever, if he ever bothered to tell his friend what was happening in here, but hey, she was being sarcastic, too. Plus, this was a lot more comfortable ground than emotional talks or hugs or her whispering in his ear, jesus fuck.

"I'm fine," he mumbled, even though he was like ninety percent sure she didn't actually care. The passive-aggressiveness kinda stung a little, not that he was prepared to admit that. His breathing was getting more erratic the longer he stared at her, the more she spoke, the angrier she seemed. He was not ready for this conversation, not now, not ever. Especially not when she was using the same tone on him that she'd used on Caleb. The sarcasm was biting, and now most of him just wanted to run, but he stood his ground. He wasn't going to run off on her just because they were dicussing a touchy subject, not if he wanted to try being friends. Though, given how his gaze kept roaming down to the most inconvenient places on her body, he wasn't sure how well that would work out.

"Oh," he said finally, looking down at the almost-finished cigarette between his fingers and away from her eyes for a second. She didn't care? That wasn't what it sounded like, but he wasn't going to push it. Probably mentioning the fact that she'd said she was asking him for a reason and then in the next breath said she was only wondering would not win him any points either, so he bit his tongue. "I didn't say you couldn't ask," he pointed out, breathing in and out to exhale all the smoke left in his lungs before he looked back up at her with renewed energy. "But if you don't care," he said slowly, the words careful on his tongue as he watched her for reactions, not missing the way her eyes dropped to his chest, "then you won't mind if I choose not to answer, will you?"

Before she could say anything in reply, he lifted his free hand and summoned all his remaining courage to reach out and gently take one of her cropped curls in his fingers. "By the way," he murmured, his face much closer to hers now than it had been on account of his movement, "I like your new hair." He ran his thumb over the silky-soft strands, glancing between the curl and her eyes, and then letting his gaze fall to the hickey on her neck that he'd just revealed by moving her hair. His look was definitely pointed enough that she would notice immediately, but this time, he didn't care. If she was going to bring up his sex life, he wasn't going to end this without reminding her that he could ask her questions too, if she really pushed him. If he really wanted to know - which, he didn't, but he also kind of did. All these conflicting emotions were not at all helping with his desire to kiss her, though, which was steadily becoming a bigger problem the longer they stayed out here in this room, alone, away from the others, with nothing to stop him from actually kissing her if he were to be brave enough to actually close the distance between them.

[Ainsley Rickett]

Ainsley was starting to see that there was no winning with Julian - not that she’d ever be the one to give up, but the more he looked at her and also matched her sarcasm only worked to confuse her further, and she had to avert her eyes for a moment before she could even think of saying anything back to him. Either he enjoyed sending out mixed signals, or he really was a dick. Then again, her habit of overthinking things didn’t help much in assessing what he wanted, because maybe he didn’t want anything. Maybe he just liked being infuriating, and all she was doing was playing right into it. Maybe she shouldn’t have been standing here smoking with him and attempting to have a proper conversation with him, because maybe he didn’t owe her any answers at all.

“Don’t push your luck,” she told him warningly, visibly tensing up as she took in his smile and the way he looked when he smoked and - god, she needed to focus. She was trying to put her foot down because them edging around one another was getting exhausting, not get distracted by his lips and his bare skin and imagining how it would feel to run her hands through his hair and the truth that yes, he might have been the one and only reason she had a pack of cigarettes with her. Taking a deep breath, she met his eyes sharply once again, heart still beating far too fast to be normal when she saw the look on his face - blank and calm, like it was that easy to just pretend like he didn’t care, though perhaps he genuinely didn’t. She was struck by the thought that giving him the benefit of the doubt and trusting him, even after she’d found out about him sleeping with Astraia, was probably a huge mistake. He didn’t give a shit about anything, so she shouldn’t have, either. Despite these conflicting emotions and the desire to stay composed, her face fell at his words about his priorities, and she dropped her sarcastic tone for a brief moment at his question, quietly replying, “Your mum,” before she realized that she hadn’t originally intended on being serious or honest. That wasn’t the point of this. She wouldn’t have slipped up, she convinced herself, if he hadn’t been looking at her the way he was. Fuck.

She shot him a disbelieving glance when he claimed he was fine, shaking her head slightly but not saying anything else on the matter. She was reminded that she still had a cigarette in her hand at her side when she saw him look down at his, and she pulled it back up to her mouth to take another drag, glad that she had an excuse to not immediately respond because she didn’t want to mess up again, didn’t want to let him in any more than she already had, didn’t want to be crushed by the reality that she’d been trying to avoid that it was far more likely that he didn’t care than that he did. She was better than this, she mused as she exhaled smoke directly in his face again, but there was no way to escape the way he’d been making her feel or how her feet seemed rooted to the ground, unable to walk away and just let it all go. She blinked, knowing fully well that he was watching her carefully to see if she would react, so she refused to give him any reaction, keeping her expression stoic even though she felt like her insides were tearing themselves apart. Then you won't mind if I choose not to answer, will you? She bit her lip to keep from screaming in frustration, which was all she could picture doing at that precise moment, because how often was he sleeping with Astraia? How many other girls had he slept with? Why had she let herself be irrational enough to think she actually had a chance, stupidly putting too much faith in the who needs more than two friends? and there’s never been a girl in my room and the afternoon they’d spent together?

“Of course not,” she said steadily, eyes never leaving his, “That’s your choice.” And then, regardless of how it was the one of the biggest lies she’d ever told, casually added, “You’re free to do whatever you want with whoever you want. Like I said, I don’t care.” She looked away finally after she spoke, turning her attention back to her cigarette, because she couldn’t bear to hold his gaze for any longer. She didn’t want to see his reaction, which would undoubtedly be one of disinterest or nonchalance or agreement, because that would only break her heart more. She was extremely caught off guard when he reached a hand up to touch her hair, and she froze in place as she stared at him in shock, wondering if it was just another game of his that she would have to go along with, but then she heard his words and shivered, growing immediately angry with herself for exhibiting any reaction at all. She should have pushed him away, but she couldn’t, not with his fingers so gentle on her curls and his face now so much closer to hers, not with the way she was already having trouble breathing because whatever they were doing was taking a lot of energy out of her. What did he want from her? How could he just go from purposely being cold to touching her like this and - shit, he was definitely looking at her hickey. She opened her mouth to say something but closed it promptly, recognizing that she’d likely make a fool of herself, but then her eyes shifted down to his lips again and she couldn’t help but wonder what it would have been like if he had been the one to give her a hickey and why the hell had he looked at it, anyway? What was he trying to do? She could sense her cheeks growing warm as she contemplated closing the distance between them, kissing him just once because she couldn’t stand the fact that they still hadn’t, and if he pushed her away, well, she would be devastated, but at least she would have an obvious answer about his feelings then.

Clearing her throat, she forced her eyes up even though she’d already lost all the subtlety that she’d been going for. “I,” she began, voice barely above a whisper, “Well - thanks.” She slowly regained her composure, less shocked than she had been at first, and tilted her head to the side as she regarded him, his hand on her hair giving her a newfound confidence as she shoved her strong irritation to the side. She was still immensely fed up with him and his antics, which was exactly why she wasn’t going to let him touch her hair and pointedly look at her neck without doing something equally as unexpected to him in response. “By the way, do you really need this many buttons open?” she asked, mimicking his ‘by the way’ in a tone much more teasing than it had been for the past few minutes as she ignored any lingering thoughts of him and Astraia, because right now it was just him and her. She raised her eyebrows when she flicked her cigarette into the nearest ashtray and moved her hands to the bare skin of his chest, fingers resting there as she looked at him thoughtfully. “I don’t think so,” she answered lightly on his behalf, unable to hide a small smile as she pulled him even closer by the fabric of his shirt so that they were almost entirely pressed up against one another, her legs brushing up against his and their foreheads and noses nearly touching, though she made no move to button his shirt for him just yet, “It’s not that hot in here, I swear…”

[Julian Delaire]

Julian could practically see all the wheels turning in Ainsley's head as he watched her, her gaze darting away from him and then back towards his lips - fuck, not a good place, if he was honest, not if he wanted to stop thinking about having sex with her - and the way she tensed briefly as he spoke. He felt a little bad for having been so needlessly sarcastic about his list of priorities but at the same time, he couldn't deny being a bit annoyed that she'd hit him with I'm not at the top of your list of priorities because she should know him well enough by now to know he wouldn't have ever given her the time of day in the first place if she weren't yet near the top of his list of priorities. He didn't let just anyone sit at his table and he definitely did not shotgun every pretty girl he saw and okay so he'd slept with Astraia and she was clearly upset about it to some degree, and that was his fault for having been so obviously into her when they'd spent the afternoon together, but Ainsley didn't strike him as the type of girl to automatically equate sex with love or a relationship so she really shouldn't be assuming that Astraia was at the top of his list of priorities, not when he'd expended so much effort to try to get her to forgive which he never would have done if he didn't care about her and fuck now he was just thinking himself in circles and he was still ending up right back at the same place - Ainsley was important to him and he had absolutely no idea how to express this to her, or even if she cared that she was. Which was more than a little disheartening, and probably why the shot about her not being at the top of his list of priorities stung more than he'd let himself admit.

He might have said something to her comment about pushing his luck, though he wasn't sure what, as he didn't even know how to deal with all the emotions swirling around inside him, let alone actually expressing those emotions, but he froze when the words your mum left her lips. She was right, of course, and he shouldn't have been surprised that she knew that, given that she'd seen him with his mum already, but he was surprised that she'd actually said that, that she'd given him a straight answer even though he hadn't been expecting or even really needed one. If he was honest, part of him had wanted her to match his sarcasm blow for blow because that was a lot easier to deal with than her being sincere and genuine and god, did she have to bring up his mother? He could practically feel every muscle in his body softening at the reminder that he loved his mother and she knew how much he loved his mother and she wasn't making fun of him for it, either, she was honestly answering his stupid question about what his priorities were and fuck, he didn't know how to play this game. He didn't know if this was a game. He was pretty sure that wasn't what she'd planned on saying when she opened her mouth if the look on her face was any indication, but it was what she'd said, and what he'd heard, and all of a sudden he couldn't stop the feeling that he might be in love with this girl. Which, well, fuck.

"Well," he said when he was certain his breath had returned to his lungs, "you're right," and it felt like an admission, but not like he'd lost anything. Maybe because they weren't playing a win-or-lose game anymore. A chuckle escaped his lips, the noise light and more wistful than he'd intended. "Most people don't know that," he told her, not entirely sure why he was telling her this but feeling he ought to, anyway. Possibly there was a part of him that wanted to let her know that she was special, that he didn't bring just any girl home or let them meet his mother, that he wouldn't have shared that part of his life with just anyone, and, in fact, didn't. The only other person who really knew was Caleb. "I'm impressed," he added, smiling at her, more genuinely than he had before because, yeah, he was impressed, and a little touched that she'd remembered how much he loved his mother, how she clearly hadn't forgotten their afternoon together.

He wished his gaze didn't immediately fall to her lips when she lifted her cigarette to take a drag, but it was impossible for him not to think about how soft her mouth looked, even with smoke blowing out of it - and in his face, again, and he wanted to say he was surprised, but mostly he was amused and it kind of just made him want to kiss her even more - and fuck, it would be so easy to just lean over and kiss her, but he couldn't. For all he knew, Caleb and Addie were watching them, though he didn't dare take his gaze away from her to check, and, quite honestly, he didn't care that much anymore, not when he was here, breathing the same air and smoke as Ainsley. Her words, when they came, were calm and steady, and they hit him like a freight train. She didn't care. Or, she said she didn't care. At this point, he wasn't sure he could tell his own lies from truths, let alone hers, but there was something about the way she spoke, followed immediately by her looking away from his eyes, that made him think she wasn't telling the entire truth. His next breath was heavy before he spoke.

"It was nice," he said, the words slipping out almost before he could comprehend what he was saying. Surprisingly, he managed to keep his voice light, like he was discussing the fucking weather instead of sex with Astraia, even though most of his mind was freaking out that he'd actually answered her, even though he'd said he wouldn't. He'd thought he didn't want to. But now that he was here, looking at her and wishing she was still looking at him, he felt like he owed her at least some semblance of an answer. Before he could talk himself out of it, he found himself adding on, "The sex, I mean. But it was...it was just sex," he said, his voice quiet and far more earnest than he'd ever heard it before. "It wasn't - it was nothing more than that, and she and I both know it," he told her, hoping she'd hear the truth in his words. Because, for once, he wasn't dancing around the truth, either - he and Astraia knew what they were and how they worked, and both of them knew they weren't anything more than friends. Friends who'd happened to have sex. But still. He'd seen her, he'd talked to her, and they were fine. And he had promised Ainsley the truth, after all.

She wanted to kiss him. He was reasonably certain of this, the same way he'd been reasonably certain Astraia would let him kiss her before he'd actually done it, and he'd been right that time. But he had a lot more to lose with Ainsley, now that he was standing here with one hand in her hair and she had shivered at his touch and her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were on his lips and fuck he wanted to kiss her more than he'd ever wanted to kiss anybody, but. She still had a hickey on her neck. She had been with some other guy just last night. He had no idea who this guy was or the specifics of their relationship or what she labeled them as, but it was some other guy and it was last night and he'd had his hand up her skirt and Julian wasn't stupid enough to mistake physical attraction for emotional attraction, and just because she might want to kiss him while he was touching her and looking into her eyes didn't mean she didn't like whoever that other guy was more. And this was logical, his brain told him, everything he was thinking was totally fucking logical but fuck he really wanted to kiss her and he didn't know what to do.

And then, jesus fucking christ, her hands were on his chest. Julian felt his breath disappear almost entirely from his throat as he watched with wide eyes as she gently rested her fingers on the bare skin of his chest and fuck he was right, unbuttoning them had been such a bad idea and he couldn't breathe. She was flirting with him, he had time to recognize, even moreso and more obviously than she had been at the table, and that was the last thought in his brain before she pulled him flush against her body so that her bare legs were warm on his and his face was so close to hers it was almost criminal that he wasn't kissing her yet. And all the logic he'd entertained just a few seconds prior seemed to have vanished completely because god she was touching him and if he just angled his head forward he could be kissing her and jesus christ what did she want him to do?

It took him a few moments before he was certain he could actually speak coherently. "Feels pretty hot right now," he murmured, and he could practically see his smoke-tinted breath ghosting over her face. Realizing he was still holding her hair, as his hand had been frozen where it was when she'd touched him, he let the curl slide out of his fingers and then, figuring there was no harm now that she'd broken the barriers by touching him in the first place, dropped his hand down to touch her bare arm where she was holding onto his shirt, keeping his fingers feather-light on her skin as he ran them gently down her shoulder to her elbow and let them linger there. "Actually, I'd say it's getting hotter," he told her, allowing himself a grin as he dropped the cigarette from his other hand and pressed it up against the wall by her waist, easily backing her up into the wall and pinning her there.

[Ainsley Rickett]

Ainsley almost felt bad for throwing out the answer about his mother - it was uncalled for and completely besides the point, which only showed how much she really didn't know what she was doing. It was difficult to focus and stay on topic and make any sort of point when she was so easily distracted by simply looking at him and smoking with him and continuously thinking about kissing him. Fuck, she was losing her mind, and there wasn't even anything she could do about it except perhaps walk away, which she would under no circumstance whatsoever do - she refused to give up first. She hadn't meant for the conversation to turn out this way, and he was likely wondering what the hell was wrong with her. He probably thought she was an absolute idiot.

"I mean," she responded quietly and truthfully, "It's not that hard to tell how much you care about her." His comment about being impressed caught her off guard, and she bit her lower lip, making a pathetic attempt to gather her thoughts and respond to him in a partially coherent manner. “Well, it was just an observation,” she replied with a shrug, though she could already feel her cheeks growing warm for about the thousandth time when he directed a smile in her direction. She didn’t think it was possible to want him to stop looking at her the way he was and simultaneously not stop all at once, but that was definitely what was going through her head. She nearly wondered why she couldn’t just act normal, or at least try to, but that would have been a pointless thought - she knew that she fancied Julian Delaire, regardless of how she hadn’t yet admitted it out loud to anyone, and it felt like the world was crumbling because she couldn’t figure out what any of his mixed signals meant. It was as simple - and complicated - as that.

If the remark about being impressed with her had only caught her off guard, then him starting to discuss sex with Astraia was monumentally shocking. She hadn’t expected him to give her a straightforward response on the matter to begin with, let alone describe it and tell her that it was just sex. What did that mean? She recognized what she wanted it to mean, but was that what he genuinely meant? She couldn’t be sure, and his words themselves combined with how lightly he’d said them nearly made her doubt how sincere they were - but he wouldn’t lie to her, would he? He’d promised not to lie to her, and she trusted him. Staring at him for a moment that lasted far too long and realizing suddenly that she could barely breathe, she looked down at the floor to regain her composure before nodding at him to indicate that she’d heard what he’d said. She couldn’t find the right words - it seemed like this was happening ridiculously often with the two of them recently, with her stuck on what to say and what to do and even what to think. How had they gotten from people who occasionally sat together in the library at Hogwarts to this?

“That’s - okay. I get it,” she stammered finally, looking up to meet his gaze again. She didn’t get it, not really, but the sentiment had escaped her mouth before she could stop it. She’d never had sex, and he was talking about having casual sex. She wished she could have consulted with Addie before continuing this conversation with him, but unfortunately she was on her own here when it came to not making a complete fool of herself. Taking a deep breath, she allowed herself to fully comprehend what he had told her. “So... You guys are just sex?” she asked slowly, not caring that she was basically just repeating his words. What did he want her to say? She needed time to think this over rather than have to reply on the spot - she didn’t want to get her hopes up, but at the same time she couldn’t help but do so. There had to be a reason he was telling her all this, right?

She would be lying if she claimed that rendering him speechless for a few seconds when she initially touched him wasn’t a bit satisfying, and she found herself smiling up at him, even when he met the unspoken challenge and touched her arm. It sent a jolt of electricity down her bare skin and she felt like all the air rushed out of her lungs when he pinned her up against the wall behind them, but she still grinned back at him, eyes sparkling and heart beating a mile a minute, any reservations she might have had about being around him earlier disappearing for the time being because this felt so easy and so right and the only thing wrong was that they hadn’t kissed yet. Her hands were still resting on his chest as she glanced down at his lips, disregarding any notion of subtlety. She contemplated kissing him right then and there because now she was sure that he would kiss her back, so what could go wrong? "Julian..." she breathed against his cheek, trailing off because she once again didn't have a clue what to say, and even if she had, she likely wouldn't have been able to voice it. All she had to do was lean forward ever so slightly and they would be kissing, but she wanted him to say something first, if only to convince her that this wasn’t some crazy daydream.