to priya

[Valentin Hartley]

hey babes,

just wanted to thank you for all your help this year, you're absolutely brilliant. i managed to pass my owls and we all know it's all because of you. you're beautiful.

how are your hols going so far?


love,
valentin

[Priyanka Sharma]

Valentin! that was far too eager

Hi Valentin!

It's not just because of me that you passed, you know - I'd say a good seventy percent at the least, though. (I'm kidding. I'm utterly thrilled for you. Go and celebrate! Although be careful not to go too absolutely wild. Actually, do, and then tell me all of the funny stories about the stupid things you got up to.) And don't be stupid, I'm hardly anything near beautiful. You'll give someone the wrong idea if you go around calling everybody beautiful, you know.

They're fairly boring, if I have to be absolutely honest. I've not done much at all - bought a nice skirt the other day, though, and I got an owl! Her name's Vivien and she's incredibly haughty, but I like her nonetheless.

I notice you're not using any capitalization. Is that what the cool kids are doing now?

(I'm teasing. It's not as if you're cool, anyways.)

Love
Sincerely,
Priyanka

[Valentin Hartley]

hey babes,

oh, go on. my marks are at least eighty-eight percent yours. you've no idea how much you've helped me this year, i feel like i should send you a gift in thanks. what would you like?

if i'm going to celebrate, you really must come with me. after all, it's all because of you that i even have a reason to celebrate. so, d'you feel up for it? we can grab a butterbeer at the leaky if you like, then i can buy you a present?

lovely. you are beautiful, really. and i don't call everyone beautiful, only those i really do think are beautiful, see.

brilliant, i shall save you - as a damsel in distress and boredom - and bring you to diagon alley, where i shall slay nasty shopkeepers and all that. your owl sounds delightful, by the way, i can't wait until you send me a letter using her. i'll be armed with owl treats. after all, your owl probably knows she belongs to royalty, and expects to be treated like one.

no. it's only me because i'm the coolest, obviously. no i'm kidding, i just can't be bothered using capital letters anywhere. it's such terrible hard work. i'm on holiday, and i'm going to write my letters without capital letters, because i know when i get back to hogwarts, you and the other ravenclaws will start tapping my knuckles again every time i miss a capital letter in the beginning of a sentence.

princess, you're cool, too.


love,
valentin

[Priyanka Sharma]

I'm wondering if I ought to object to being called babes,

Well, be proud of the twelve percent you managed yourself, then. And it wasn't much of a bother, really, I just couldn't bear for you to fail anything! And don't be ridiculous, you don't need to buy me anything.

Once again, you seriously don't have to buy me anything! But that sounds wonderful lovely, to go out for a Butterbeer with you, as long as Butterbeer'll be the strongest drink on the table. Because, you know, I'm not quite into alcohol. Oh god does that make me sound sad Friendly reminder I'm a good girl.

You must have terribly low standards.

What on earth have the shopkeepers done to be so very nasty? I think they'd have to do quite a lot in order to get slayed, you know. And I'm not sure if you could handle Vivien - royalty and shut up, you tart! Stop with all of the flattery. You're really laying it on very thick. Royalty indeed.

Well of course. And there's nothing difficult about proper grammar, but I'll let you off until we go back to school. Once September hits I'll check out every single essay you write just to make sure you aren't being ridiculous.

Thank you. I'm not a princess.

Lo
Love,
Priyanka

[Valentin Hartley]

okay. darling priya,

i'm rather proud of my twelve percent, yes i am. and thank you, i knew you loved me too much to let me fail. oh, but it'd make me feel better, really. you deserve something really big and probably fluffy. surely there must be something diagon alley that'll catch your eye?

c'mon, priya, would i ever try to corrupt you? i know, you're far too good for me, in a good way. like, in a smart and beautiful way. should i persuade you by throwing in a platter of chips with that? or whatever food you'd like, really.

i am terribly offended. i don't have low standards! just looking at you tells me i have pretty good taste standards.

i don't know, it's just something that knights in shining armour are supposed to be doing, right? i mean, sure it's supposed to be dragons, but i don't see why i'm supposed to be slaying at dragons in diagon alley. i mean, the ones at gringotts are just doing their job, and i don't think i'll need to be stealing anything from there. and i don't think i can handle vivien, either. oh, c'mon lovely, did you smile at least? you must have smiled at least a little bit?

yes i already know that every i must be dotted and every t crossed. merlin help me if i miss a single comma in my essay. i'll just miss one right here

you're welcome, princess.



love,
valentin
p.s. aha! you love me too! i knew you'd cave in eventually and realise just how much you love me, deep inside.

[Priyanka Sharma]

Far better,

You ought to be proud. Twelve percent is nothing to be sniffed at. At least, not when the other person is contributing eighty-eight percent. Which exam did you find the hardest? I want to know where my coaching failed! And gosh, not sure if something big and fluffy is my style.

Oh, I think you would. And I never said I was too good for you. (Only heavily implied, darling). And I know I'm smart, at least. Glad you appreciate it. And a platter of chips sounds fairly heavenly, I think you've tempted me! There you go. Corrupted me already.

I didn't mean offence, as I'm sure you're aware of. God You're probably like this with every girl

Don't think I'll be impressed unless you slay a dragon! On second thoughts, maybe just kidnap one and fly off on it. You could take me with you for the trip. And no. Not even a hint of a smile found its way onto my face, lovely. I'm just shaking my head very sternly. (I'm beaming)

Oh gosh, don't do that! Don't you dare miss out commas. I can handle the capitalization, but not missing out the commas. Ugh.

Still not a princess. Pauper.

Love
Sincerely,
Priya

P.S. Not anymore.