DEV

[Damien Malfoy]

Why have you been neglecting me? 

Fix this. 

-Dao 

[Devyn Oberlin]

I haven't been neglecting you, you've been neglecting me. I haven't seen you in a week. A week. What's wrong with you? You must miss me, or else you wouldn't be writing, so get up off your lazy arse and come see me.

Devyn

[Damien Malfoy]

What makes you think that I miss you. I'm just making sure that, while you were out there neglecting me this past week, you didn't end up in any mischief you'd need me to bail you out of. I know I'm your hero and all, but neglecting me in this manner. Shame. Shame. Shame.

Give me incentive to move.

-Dao

[Devyn Oberlin]

Ha, no way. When was the last time I got into any type of mischief? That's right, never. You overestimate me in that department. Besides, even if I did, you'd hardly be the first person I'd want to come save me.

Seeing me is incentive enough. Am I suddenly not good enough for you, fucker? Way to seriously harm my self-worth.

Devyn

[Damien Malfoy]

I don't overestimate you in that department at all. I just think you're pretty good at hiding your ability to be a little shit.
Ha! Who'd come and save you then? Louis? Really now.

See, you can't twist my words because i'm the offended party here. Stop trying to act insulted. You neglect me and then try to insist that I'm insulting you. Such a low blow.

Dao

[Devyn Oberlin]

Wow, tone it down now. If I didn't know any better I'd think you were accusing me of something. What are you trying to say? HAAAA, there's a good joke. I wouldn't need either of you to save me, actually, because I can count on myself much better than I can count on you two, thanks.

How are you the only offended party? I'm also an offended party. I'm offended that you don't think I'm incentive enough to get up and stop being so damn lazy. You're clearly the worst.

Devyn

[Damien Malfoy]

I'm accusing you of being you because you're a little shit. You're a horrendous person and you think you can just cover that fact up by threatening to kill people and sitting pretty. You're an undercover asshole. Just admit it. Oh whatever you arse, I'm a reliable person, stop implying that i'm not. It hurts my sensitive nature.

I'm offended because you're twisting my words and trying to act hurt; it's offensive to my plight. I'm not the worst. You're the worst. The absolute worst.

But if I do grace you with my presence, we should hit the Tamarisk for food.

-Dao

[Devyn Oberlin]

If I'm that horrendous, then why are you friends with me? It must make you horrendous as well by association. Admit it, you adore me. Also, a reminder that you're extremely unreliable and you have no sensitive nature. You're a prick. Stop trying to be someone you're not.

YOUR FACE IS THE WORST AND I FIND IT VERY OFFENSIVE. I feel personally victimized by you on a regular basis, so don't even try this shit.

Can we not go to the Tamarisk? I'm sick of the Tamarisk. There's so many other places we could go.

Devyn

[Damien Malfoy]

Or I take pity on you. Ever consider that? Look, just because I have a heart and you don't, don't get upset.
I'm the complete package - sexy, debonair, intelligent, sensitive, manly . . . or at least that's what Aggy said

SEE YOU'RE HORRENDOUS. HOW CAN YOU INSULT A FACE AS GOOD LOOKING AS MINE? You really are an arse.

You personally vicitimise me at least twice a day, so shove it.

Sick of the Tamarisk? Are you insane, 1) The owner is pretty damn hot 2) Ricky is pretty damn hot 3) I like their food. Why are you sick of it? Give me a better excuse.

-Dao

[Devyn Oberlin]

Nah, this is far past the taking pity on me stage. If you were taking pity on me, we would've stopped being friends like five years ago. I'm simply not going to comment on any of those traits, because I slightly care about not wounding your ego. See? I do have a heart. Also, stop crossing shit out. It's not cute.

YOU AREN'T EVEN THAT GOOD LOOKING. Get over yourself.

You deserve it at least four times a day. Be content with what you get.

I'm sorry, did you miss the memo that I'm straight? I don't have to give you any excuses. I'm just telling you that we shouldn't go there. Don't push it.

Devyn

[Damien Malfoy]

I'll cross whatever I want out, kay. I didn't ask your permission. What can I say, my pity waited it out to see if you'd go from ugly duckling to swan and find a real life, but you never did so I'm like stuck with you so.

YOU'RE A BAD LIAR, I'VE SEEN YOU CHECKING OUT MY ARSE. Don't lie about it.

Awe, aren't you sweet. I thought you would have suggested like six times a day.

I'm sorry, did you miss the memo that I don't care? Gay, straight, lesbian, questioning - more power to you I suppose. But I'm not asking you go stick your tongue down Jordan's throat or feel up her mum, I'm saying let's go because I like it there and we should go somewhere I like because I need out of this shit life house. Yeah? Also, there's some reason you don't want to go - did you get shitty waiting service there or something? Spill a drink on your top?

-Dao

[Devyn Oberlin]

You're seriously lacking in the decent insults department. I'm so done with you.

I HAVE NEVER DONE SUCH A THING, NOR WOULD I EVER. Do I look desperate to you?

I know, it's really cute when I pretend to care about you.

Alright, fine - this is just another prime example of me clearly having a heart because I'm only going to go to the Tamarisk because you want to. No, I don't have any particular problem with it. I just don't know why it's your first choice.

Devyn

[Damien Malfoy]

If you're so done with me, then why you so obsessed with me?

Do you look desperate to me? Do you really want to answer that question? Don't worry Dev, one day i'll let you touch it just to say you've touched greatness before.

It's so beautiful when you thaw out your heart and remove the ice pump and pretend to care. I love it.

You're a pretty shit liar. Something's wrong with the Tamarisk. Sure you didn't shag Jordan on a table or something to make certain you're straight and it only served to do the opposite. I mean, Jordan's pretty good looking so I give you an O on your choices. For once you made a good life decision in shag buddies.

Dao

[Devyn Oberlin]

I'm not obsessed. You're the one who wrote to me in the first place. Idiot.

I literally just laughed out loud and had to spend several minutes attempting to compose myself in order to continue writing this letter. Congratulations, you made a nice joke. Now let's move on with our lives and accept the fact that you'd be the privileged one if that ever happened.

Thank you, I'm aware of that.

I didn't shag Jordan. Let's stop talking about this, you're not getting anywhere.

Devyn

[Damien Malfoy]

Harpie. Don't lie. Don't fight it. You're obsessed with me. I'm fine with your obsession so long as it doesn't turn into stalking. Stalking isn't cute, Dev.

I'd be the privilege one? HA. Stop making me laugh, I'm being serious here. You've always wanted me, but you can look; no touching.

Ice pump's back in place.

I'm not getting anywhere because you know I'm right, you shagged Jordan. Damn, didn't think you'd go for a girl. Hm.

Dao